Levi's gone crazy
by wir-sind-die-LOKI
Summary: It's Eren's first time outside of the walls, and the Levi squad intend to put him through hell before they can fully except him into their lives, by playing some pranks on the new kid in the castle. Humour fic based on the anime so possibly some spoilers. No pairings. Rated T for some slight swearing from Levi, and general craziness of the whole thing. One shot. slightly canon.R&R!


**Levi's gone crazy…**

**Yeah, I'm trying to get into the mind set of another fandom and I thought of this idea with my friend in a tech lesson, so thanks for that Ireland… ;) **

Eren winced slightly at the sound of his echoing footsteps as he walked down the stone corridor to the kitchen, but he was way too tired to try and adjust his steps, or to even care. His first days outside the walls and all he had done was clean an abandoned castle. When the commander Levi had first said that they were going to be cleaning the castle he thought that the captain had been joking, but after 9 hours of continuous labour he knew that commander Levi took cleaning as a very serious matter. And, if that wasn't bad enough, it seemed as if the entire squad hated him, and there was a crazy lady in the giant dining room who had been talking to him for the last three hours, about titans. He had only just managed to get away from her on the excuse that he needed water, but that lie had become reality about ten minutes ago, and Eren was still wandering the castles cold hallways, very, very lost.

Coming across another door he turned the brass handle, expecting it to jar like all of the others, but instead there was a sharp click as the door swung open, almost as if it had a life of its own. Cautiously Eren poked his head around the door, slightly paranoid about what lay behind all of the locked doors after walking alone in the dark corridors for such a long time, when he saw a now familiar figure standing stock still facing the wall on the right of Eren.

Walking into the room Eren rushed over to Levi already rushing to explain himself to the man who could decide if he lived or died at any moment, his fear of angering the slightly scary man pushed all thoughts of water from his mind for the moment. "commander Levi, I was just on my way to the kitchen, but I got lost, what with all of these corridors, I mean, they all look the same to me, and I was talking to that lady Hanji, but then I needed some water and so…" Eren's insane babbling sputtered off as he looked up from his hands to see that the commander was still to facing the wall.

Edging closer to the commander Eren saw that Levi was staring transfixed at the wall, as if his earlier words had not even registered in the commanders head. "Er… Commander Levi?" Eren said uncertainly as he looked back at the wall, not seeing anything of significance on the cream coloured stone which was holding the commanders attention so well.

Glancing back at Levi, Eren jumped back as he saw the commanders piercing grey eyes staring right at him. Opening his mouth to say something to the now thoroughly creepy Levi he was silenced by the commander's finger hovering just over his lips.

"Bring me my cleaning products." Levi whispered in his deep voice, which managed to be loud and quiet at the same time, creating a confusing oxymoron for the already half-dead Eren.

Turning to go as fast as he could Eren got halfway to the door before pausing and turning uncertainly back to the commander. "Um, Commander Levi, would you happen to know where the cleaning products are-?"

"Down the corridor the way you was coming, first door on your left, the door should be open." Levi said without even turning around.

Stepping back out into the main corridor Eren carried on walking down the corridor in the direction he was going on when he came to the first door on his left, still slightly confused on how the commander would have been able to guess which direction he had been heading in. There was a yellow glow under the door and Eren was sure that the sweet aroma he had been following was wafting down the corridor from behind the door in front of him. Pushing the already slightly ajar door open Eren was instantly enveloped in light and warmth.

Squinting slightly he walked into the room and closed the door behind him hastily to stop the precious heat from slipping away. Looking around he noticed that he was in a cozy room with a circular wooden table, with 8 odd chairs dotted randomly around the room. There was a fire place below the window which threw a warm glow around the small room, with small gas lamps in each corners of the room. It also seemed as if the wall directly in front of him was made of only cooking appliances. Seeing that one of the ovens seemed to be cooking something Eren walked over, quickly checking that he was alone in the kitchen before opening the oven to peek at what was being cooked.

Jerking the oven door open Eren was hit with a wave of heat and the smell of cinnamon rolls cooking. He looked down at the perfectly cooked rolls and went to pick one up when he heard a soft voice in his ear. "I think they need a couple more minutes…"

Spinning around Eren tried to hide his girlish squeal behind a cough as he came face to face with a smirking Petra. "Oh, hi Ral, I uh, was just checking them, I wasn't going to eat it. Yeah, I was just checking them 'cus I couldn't see anyone and I didn't want them to burn when they smell so delicious…" Eren wavered off again as he realised that he was babbling again.

"Uh, huh" Petra said as she smiled in amusement. "So was it just the smell of Gunther's cooking which brought you or was you looking for something else?" she said as she moved to sit in the padded armchair near the fire.

"I was just looking for Levi's cleaning products and he said that they were in this room." Eren said hovering over to Petra and the hypnotising flickering of the flames as they gave off enough heat so that Eren was no longer shivering.

"Ohh, Levi's got you cleaning already?" Petra said chuckling as she got up and walked over to another door that Eren previously hadn't seen. Reaching into the plant pot by the door Petra pulled out a brass key and unlocked the heavy door. Opening the door she picked up a bucket, handing it to Eren before swift locking the door and throwing the key back into the plant pot where it came from.

"If he asks you about the door, it was already open." She said giving him a serious glare before walking back over to her seat by the fire. "The commander is very prickly about cleaning, but I see your about to learn that aren't you, if you didn't after all the work we did today."

Eren was still standing by the mysterious cleaning cupboard door with a dumbfounded expression 30 seconds later, when Petra spoke up again without looking around from her seat by the fire. "If you don't hurry you'll still be cleaning when the cinnamon rolls are done."

Spurring into action by the promise of food later Eren walked back out into the freezing hallway before faltering again, not knowing which way Levi was. "I believe you came from the right." Petra's voice floated through the door, startling Eren into another girlish squeal as he whipped around to see Petra with a smile on her face still facing the fire.

"Oh, um thanks…" Eren mumbled as he hurried off down the corridor towards the commander Levi.

In what must have been almost ten minutes, it seemed as if Commander Levi hadn't moved at all. He was still staring at the wall, where if Eren tilted his head to the left and squinted he could just about make out a mark on the wall which was only now illuminated in the light of the full moon. How on earth Levi had known it was there before without even a gas lamp was beyond Eren, but then again with his heightened hearing may also come other abilities, and in any case, he _is_ humanities best.

"Commander Levi, Sir, I have your cleaning products-"

"Then get cleaning." Levi said cutting off the boy before he could start his incessant rambling again as he sidestepped away from the wall to give Eren enough room to start cleaning.

"Uh, yes Commander Levi Sir!" Eren said as he fumbled around with the cleaning products, his throat tightening slightly when he saw a cleaning liquid, dully remembering his thirst. And Hanji. Between cleaning listening to Hanji, he knew which of the lesser evils he would choose. "Commander Levi Sir, I have just remembered that I have left Hanji in the middle of her explanations about titans"

"I'll accept your thanks in the payment of cleaning the wall then" Levi said, eyes still locked on the splotch of dirt on the wall.

Raising an eyebrow Levi continued curtly. "If your worrying about Hanji, _don't _worry about that crazy cow, even if she does notice that you're gone, she'll probably carry on talking anyway, you can always hear her crazy mutterings in the castle when she comes to stay for a while. Now get cleaning." He finished menacingly.

After almost a minute of silent scrubbing the wall Eren heard Levi whispering in his left ear. "Where did you get my cleaning products from?" The Commander's voice dangerously quiet in the silent night.

"The door in the kitchen was unlocked Commander Levi Sir, so I just went in and got-"

"Stop bull-shitting me kid, I know that the door is always locked. It was Petra wasn't it?" Levi said, more as a statement than a question, swearing again under his breath before plotting to kill 'the ginger haired demon'. Before absentmindedly adding "And stop all of that damn Commander and Sir crap, Levi is fine when we're all off duty."

After that Eren was cleaning for at least 15 minutes, with little to on impact on the splotch on the wall, all in an awkward silence, since Eren was almost a hundred percent sure that Levi was standing directly behind him. Getting bored of cleaning the wall Eren tried to see if his hypothesis was correct by glancing over his shoulder, only to see the commander pulling funny faces behind his back. When Levi suddenly stuck his tongue out and crossed his eyes it was too much for Eren, who barked out a laugh before having to hide it behind a coughing fit. Seriously, they were all going to think that he was ill with all of this pretend coughing.

"What's the matter with you boy, did you swallow your own tongue or something?" Levi said loudly, from the other side of the room, where when Eren glanced around he could see Levi stretched out in an armchair in the corner.

"No Levi, I'm fine." He said lamely as he continued to scrub at the wall, his arm aching and his eyelids drooping.

An unmeasurable amount of time later, Eren came back to his senses to the sound of loud laughter. Whirling around Eren saw that the whole squad was sat around the room, eating the cinnamon rolls.

"Oh hi Eren, glad to see you're up again." Petra said lightly.

"Hi guys, I was just um, cleaning the… spot…" Eren said awkwardly, not sure if he should continue cleaning or go over and join everyone at their seemingly random snack time.

"Well, are you going to come over here or what, we still got some of the cinnamon rolls left, you were practically drooling all over them earlier." Petra said laughing lightly as he came and sat down on the seat next to her.

Going to grab one on the remaining rolls, he was beat to it as Levi, Gunther and Olou went to grab at the two remaining rolls at the same time. When Levi and Gunther were the ones to get the rolls, Eren just leaned back, almost too tired to care, but Olou started making a huge fuss almost causing Eren to get a full blown headache, when Petra cut him off curtly. "Stop trying to be Levi." Before changing the topic completely, onto a subject that Eren didn't want to get back on too. "So, why is Eren cleaning this non-existent spot?" she said leaning over and snagging some of Levi's roll which she began to eat slowly, oblivious of Levi's cool grey eyes on her.

"Firstly, there is a spot, secondly, I was eating that, and thirdly, who said you was allowed to just give out my cleaning products to the new kid?" Levi drawled, leaning back in his chair, his rare smirk ghosting his face for barley a second before Petra was jumping up to inspect the wall.

"Huh, I guess you're right… there is a spot, you better get cleaning Eren." Petra said as she flounced back over to sit back down in her seat next to Levi, causing Eren to groan quietly as he made his way back over to the wall.

"So you _can _get tired, I wasn't quite sure what with your heightened healing ability" Hanji mused into Eren's ear, making him have to cover another girlish squeal behind another coughing fit.

"Are you ill? Is it a titan illness? Or a human illness? Is it _contagious?_" Hanji said in horror as she jumped back from her position behind Eren's ear as if he had just threatened to kill her, though that would probably warrant more of a laugh than shock from Hanji.

"No, I'm not ill…" Eren said uncomfortably not quite sure that he wanted them all to know that his coughing fits were all a guise to cover up his girlish squeals.

"Well, why don't you titan up right now?" Hanji said casually, as if she had suggested that they have potatoes for dinner, and not that he turns into a destructive monster at god knows what time at night.

Gunther, leaned forward suddenly in a coughing fit as the swig of tea he had just taken made a sudden reappearance across the floor of the once spotless room. Petra just laughed loudly at the whole situation, especially when she saw Olou glance at Levi before imitating the Commanders stance of watching the whole situation bemusedly.

Jumping up from her seat Petra said enthusiastically. "Hanji, that sounds like a great plan, especially since all of the food is gone now." She said glaring at Levi and Gunther, with Gunther only shrugging slightly with a sheepish smile on his face as he also began putting his jacket on.

Before Eren could even begin to formulate a protest to this new experiment, Hanji was dragging him forcibly down the corridors, throwing the cleaning products over the now very dirty room. Eren really hoped he wouldn't be the one to clean that mess up in the morning dully as he was thrust out into the cold morning air.

Hanji continued to drag him away from the house towards a small copse of trees, where they waited impatiently for the others. Letting out big yawn Eren rubbed his hands together as the cold air made him wish that he had been alert enough inside to grab his jacket, but he wasn't left much time to grumble, as soon the rest of the group was rushing over, Levi strolling along behind.

Petra was the first to arrive, and still had that excited smile on her face which made Eren wonder just how she was still managing on so little sleep. "So Hanji, was you going to have him transforming all over the place or did you have a specific plan in place?"

"Well, I haven't put much thought into this…" Hanji trailed off as Olou sniggered at the statement, but a whack on the back of the head courtesy of Petra shut the man up, letting Hanji continue her spiel of how it was all going to go down.

"Petra, you, Olou and Gunther will be up in the tree's with you 3DM gear, just in case our rouge titan here, _does_ actually go rouge." Hanji said smirking as she brought a comforting hand down onto Eren's shoulder with much more force than she obviously anticipated as Eren was sent stumbling forward before he regained his balance.

"Levi and I will be watching from the ground, as well as giving helpful instructions. Now Eren, if you are conscious in your titan form I want you to stick your middle finder up lie this." Hanji said pulling the obscene hand gestures at every member of the team once, before turning back to Eren with a beaming smile on her face. "Can you do that Eren? Can you regain consciousness in your titan form to do that?"

Startled by the intensity radiating off of Hanji, Eren could only nod jerkily at the crazy brunette before she was shouting orders at the others for a good minute before she turned back to him and sweetly said. "Whenever your're ready Eren."

Looking at everyone nervously he was either greeted by encouraging smiles or uninterested glares, so fighting down his anxiety; he tried to turn into a titan. Concentrating hard he tried to shift, clenching his fists so that his nails made small crescents in the palms of his hands. Nothing happened.

Trying again this time he brought his left hand up to bite down on his thumb, hard. Hearing a sizzle in the air he cracked his left eye open to see that he was still in his normal body, but that now there were tendrils of smoke floating upwards from the flesh that was exposed to the midnight air. Getting frustrated Eren bit down on his thumb again, this time hard enough to draw blood, as he pictured himself as a fourteen meter titan, flipping the rest of the team off. He was rewarded with a flash of green smoke and a loud boom.

Looking up excitedly, especially since he was still in control of his mind he went to flip the bird at Levi first, when he realised that he was still looking up at Petra, who was leaning against the trunk of the tree, howling with laughter. Looking down he realised that he had only been able to make a shoulder, arm, and hand. The hand only had one finger. And he was up to his neck in really hot goo. Again. Trying to clear the goo from his body he looked around to see that everyone had assembled in front of him, Gunther staring at him with enough intensity to make Eren feel more uncomfortable than embarrassed.

"What?" Eren managed to choke out defensively as he wrenched his arm free from the steaming mess.

"Why are you pointing the finger at me?" Gunther said, eyes brimming with unshed tears as Eren looked from the finger back to the man bawling his eyes out in front of him, gaping like a fish.

Half an hour later the squad was sprawled out across the kitchen. Eren was still trying to console Gunther, who had only just stopped his quiet sobs, and was now only sniffling once in a while, as Petra made breakfast. Or tried to, at least. It soon because apparent that Gunther was the only one in the squad who could cook, but since he had been so upset, it had been left to Petra to make everyone their breakfast as the sun only now began to grace the sky. Throwing the plate heaped in bread, all burnt to varying degrees, down onto the table Petra said. "Well eat up guys! We got a busy day ahead of us." Her look dared anyone to comment on the almost un-eatable bread.

"What are we doing today?" Eren mumbled despairingly as the smell of the burnt bread only made his migraine worse. Massaging his temple he glared daggers at Hanji, who had hit him on the back of the head when he had gotten out of the titan arm to fast, leaving it to evaporate before Hanji had much of a chance to actually dissect the thing properly, not that she noticed.

"I was going to show you round the castle."

"Finnish that explanation on titans."

"Tend the horses."

"3DM gear training."

"You still gotta clean the splotch on the wall."

"So not sleeping?" Eren said warily as the others began to argue over what they wanted the newest member of the team to do that day. Closing his eyes just for a second, Eren's breathing evened out after not much more than a minute, leaving the rest of the team to fall silent as they watched the sleeping boy.

"We really introduced this one well." Olou said smirking slightly at the others, who had already begun to tidy the kitchen up silently.

Quickly scooping the sleeping boy up, Olou took Eren to his new chambers in the castle, before depositing the boy down softly on his bed and turning towards the door, where Petra stood with a plate of cinnamon rolls, freshly baked. Going to grab one of the rolls, Petra slapped Olou's hand away, quietly scolding. "Don't eat any, you know he deserves them all, especially after all we put him through."

"The kid did good, I think that we'll be able to trust him, don't you?" Levi said nonchalantly from the doorframe, before quickly sidestepping out of the way as Hanji burst through.

In one fluid motion he grabbed the back of Hanji's collar, before spinning her around and putting a hand over her mouth, before hissing quietly. "Leave the boy alone, you hear me? No crazy tests. And no one bothers the boy until he wakes up." Levi said glancing around the room at all of the occupants, before roughly throwing Hanji out before walking out himself, calling out softly over his shoulder. "And someone get the boy some water."

After everyone had left, Eren smiled happily to himself before sleep finally claimed him.

**A/N**

**Well people I hope you liked that, and if you did you know what to do! (I'll give you a hint, you review!)**

**Oh, and would anyone be interested in an actual plot-line in this fandom? If so, stay tuned because hopefully it will be up soon!**


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